Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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