Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Randomize
