I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
