omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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