our cab driver is having phone sex.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
