I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize