I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
