He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
