my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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