please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize