Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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