So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
