i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
