READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
