i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
