Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
