which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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