I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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