You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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