I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
