Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I got inside last night via doggy door
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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