wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
