So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
