im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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