ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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