Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
