I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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