whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's never too late to be topless.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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