hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
