life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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