Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
