I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You can't just leave with hair like that
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
