I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
