Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
