I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
