People in love make me want to vomit
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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