dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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