I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
