your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
