just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
