not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
