i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
