guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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