I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
