Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
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