Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
