Do you still have your period?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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