Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
