she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
