She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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