I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
