You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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