I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
