If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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