Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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