just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I am midnight drunk by noon
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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