I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
