That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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