Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
did you just send me my own nude
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
