I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
