Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
