Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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