I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
