masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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