dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
