I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
