If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
